A story About Choices 

Taken from my book 'Dark Souls - Healing and Recovering from Toxic Relationships'

We all have a choice and there is a beautiful Chinese story from the Ming Dynasty. There were two brothers, whose temperaments were very different, even though they had the same parents. The elder brother was greedy and lazy, and always haggled over every detail. The young one was diligent, decent and affectionate. One day, they went out in a cart to do some business. It was raining and road was slippery. The elder brother lost control of the halter and they fell down a cliff. They came to the netherworld. A guard, who was already waiting outside the court, took them to the King of Hell. The King of Hell said to them: “Since neither of you has done anything exceptional nor any very bad thing, both of you will be reincarnated as human again. Judge! Check whether there are families who are going to have babies.”

The presiding judge studied the Roster of Life and Death carefully and said: “My King, two families, the Zhao and the Xie, are having predestined sons. The son of the Zhao will be giving aid to others when he grows up, but the Xie's son will be receiving help from others.” The King of Hell said: “Such being the case, let these two brothers to be born to these two families.”

Upon hearing the King's decision, the elder brother thought: If I am born to the Zhao's family, I will be working hard and giving support to others. I will be too busy running about helping others. It would be more leisurely and comfortable to receive help from others. Upon making up his mind, the elder brother knelt before the King: “My King, it will be too hard to work all my life for others. I beg your mercy to let me born to the Xie's family so I will receive help from others.” The King asked: “Who will be born to the Zhao's family then?” The younger brother said: “My King, let my elder brother be born to the Xie family. I am willing to be Zhao's son and help others in need.”

The two brothers were thus born to the Zhao and the Xie families, respectively. Because of his vow to help those in need, the young brother was born to the noble and rich Zhao's family. When he grew up, he was benevolent and always helped others in need. Because of the wealth of Zhao's family, he was able to help many others.

But the elder brother, whose wish was to get help from others, was born to the poor Xie's family and he had to beg for the remains of meals and always received charity and sympathy from others.

As the saying goes, “To give is richer than to receive.” It is most precious to have humanity. When people have kind hearts, heaven will help them.

I am always fascinated by the fact that many people think they only have one or two choices.  Worst still many adult children of dysfunctional parents either grow up becoming clones of their parents or become the completely opposite and end up in fear.

Choosing to be kind is is far better that taking the angry hateful route. Sadly often those people that choose to be kind end up unkind to themselves by being doormats or worse falling prey to those other people on the opposite side of the fence.

You cannot help anyone unless you help yourself first. Voice dialogue is all about balance and making positive informed choices that keep you empowered so that you can step out of fear and help others - by first helping yourself.