What is a Dysfunctional Relationship ?

A dysfunctional relationship as an accident waiting to happen. 

Most people live in dysfunctional relationships to some degree but the level of dysfunction is usually masked the by the dysfunction of their childhood patterns of behaviour.

What do I mean by that. If we are bought up in a household where its normal to be sexually abused or hit then chances are we will grow up to some degree thinking that its a normal relationship and possibly have the same type of relationship with another person in our adult lives.

It is not just physical abuse, it can be emotional abuse that a child suffers. There are many different kinds of abuse, covert sexual abuse for example is a hidden abuse that many people aren't even aware exists until recently. 

Dysfunction starts in our childhood. Our first introduction to relationships is with our parents. We expect to be nurtured and loved. However what if that were the reverse. Say for example our parents were sick and we had to be parents to our own parents when we are children. What if their own emotional intelligence was so limited they used their own children for their unmet emotional needs.

Of course it isn't just parents, our environments can play a part two in our upbringing as can external influences. Our parents cannot watch us 24 hours a day. 

Coupled with our own experiences from childhood, both good and bad, perhaps we may amplify our experiences in adulthood.  Take our anger our on the next generation because we never resolved our own issues about our childhood trauma in the first place. And so the story continues.....

My own story was about breaking that cycle! and more important coming out of denial. Not being a victim to my past and becoming aware of the consequences of my own part in why I was attracting such dysfunctional relationships in my adult life. If you would like to read a very watered down version of my story you can read it here 

I am not going to write my life story on here because it would fill a whole book and more - plus its in the past.  We only have the present, that which is here and now in this moment.  I am sure your past could fill a book too.  I have written myself a new script for myself and my family and you can too with a little help.

As a child growing up in a very dysfunctional family they develop very strong coping mechanisms. Its a way of helping them fit in or make sense of what is going on around them. As a result the child who grows up to be an adult may on the surface be extremely high functioning however when it comes to having relationships with others they may end up not being able to have adult relationships because they weren't allowed to be a child when they were younger.

I do however know from experience that you can change and once you accept that you can change your "programme" as it were, you are one more step to breaking that chain and transforming into the beautiful being that you were born to be.