Relationships as a Mirror
those that do
not look within, go without
Throughout
my coaching work there is one technique I use often and very
frequently have to remember to use it on myself too!
Everyone
that comes into our life, whether it be a friend family or
partner, is a mirror of ourselves whether we like it or
not!
Often we
look at the behaviour of others and then want to blame them.
Saying they did this and that to us. Even little things can
make us wonder why are are they doing that.
I will give
you an example.
A lady was
complaining that her husband was always late home every day
from work. She was asked to do the mirror technique which is to
look at ways in which you may be doing that action to yourself
and others. Her immediate reaction was to say . "But I am never
late for anyone". She was left for a couple of days to think
about where she might be being late for other people or to
herself and then came back saying that she had found out that
she was the last person to pick up her son from school. He had
confided in her that he felt embarrassed being the last person
and because of her tight schedule whenever she collected him he
was always last standing at the gates. It was suggested that
she stopped being late for him and collected him
early.
Nothing was
said to her husband and within days her husband started to
arrive home early on time.
There are
numerous examples I can give you. Say perhaps you are the kind
of person that is always doing everything and being kind to
everyone and no one ever does anything for you. If you look at
your behaviour and find that the reason is because you are not
actually being kind to yourself. Start taking steps to make
time for yourself. Talking a long relaxing bath for example. Go
the the hairdressers. Say No for a change!. You will soon
find that the more you look after yourself and respect yourself
the more others will too.
I would
like to finish off with a real life story. A man I know was in
a very difficult unhappy relationship and decided to leave his
wife. She was argumentative angry and extremely difficult about
access to the children. He would find that often she would
break arrangements at the last minute not let him see the
children even though they had made previous arrangements. When
he tried to talk to her on the telephone she would cut the
conversation short or worse not even answer his calls for days
on end. She was often extremely angry and would shout and make
him very upset.
When I
finally spoke to him I asked him to write down all the ways in
which he may be doing those things to other people. He was
a relationship with another woman and often he would turn his
phone off and not answer. Becaise he was so stressed he often
took out his anger on his girlfriend and because and sometimes
break prior arrangements. All of the things his wife had been
doing he had been "unconsciously" doing to
another person.
I suggested
he write down all the things he might be doing to his
girlfriend or anyone else in his life and try to change them
over the next few days.
Within a
couple of weeks. His relationship with his girlffriend improved
dramatically as did his relationships with his family and
friends. Without even trying his ex wife started to be
far more amicable and as a result his stress levels reduced
dramatically.
So even if
you have a simple thing in your life that you want
changing.
Before you
start saying its all their fault "start looking within". And
see how miraculously your life starts to improve - literally
within days.
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