Relationships as a Mirror

those that do not look within, go without

Throughout my coaching work there is one technique I use often and very frequently have to remember to use it on myself too!

Everyone that comes into our life, whether it be a friend family or partner, is a mirror of ourselves whether we like it or not!

Often we look at the behaviour of others and then want to blame them. Saying they did this and that to us. Even little things can make us wonder why are are they doing that.

I will give you an example.

A lady was complaining that her husband was always late home every day from work. She was asked to do the mirror technique which is to look at ways in which you may be doing that action to yourself and others. Her immediate reaction was to say . "But I am never late for anyone". She was left for a couple of days to think about where she might be being late for other people or to herself and then came back saying that she had found out that she was the last person to pick up her son from school. He had confided in her that he felt embarrassed being the last person and because of her tight schedule whenever she collected him he was always last standing at the gates. It was suggested that she stopped being late for him and collected him early.

Nothing was said to her husband and within days her husband started to arrive home early on time.

There are numerous examples I can give you. Say perhaps you are the kind of person that is always doing everything and being kind to everyone and no one ever does anything for you. If you look at your behaviour and find that the reason is because you are not actually being kind to yourself. Start taking steps to make time for yourself. Talking a long relaxing bath for example. Go the the hairdressers. Say No for a change!. You will soon find that the more you look after yourself and respect yourself the more others will too.

I would like to finish off with a real life story. A man I know was in a very difficult unhappy relationship and decided to leave his wife. She was argumentative angry and extremely difficult about access to the children. He would find that often she would break arrangements at the last minute not let him see the children even though they had made previous arrangements. When he tried to talk to her on the telephone she would cut the conversation short or worse not even answer his calls for days on end. She was often extremely angry and would shout and make him very upset.

When I finally spoke to him I asked him to write down all the ways in which he may be doing those things to other people. He was a relationship with another woman and often he would turn his phone off and not answer. Because he was so stressed he often took out his anger on his girlfriend and because and sometimes break prior arrangements. All of the things his wife had been doing he had been "unconsciously" doing to another person.

I suggested he write down all the things he might be doing to his girlfriend or anyone else in his life and try to change them over the next few days.

Within a couple of weeks. His relationship with his girlfriend improved dramatically as did his relationships with his family and friends.  Without even trying his ex wife started to be far more amicable and as a result his stress levels reduced dramatically.

So even if you have a simple thing in your life that you want changing.

Before you start saying its all their fault "start looking within". And see how miraculously your life starts to improve - literally within days.